Rob Schneider, “star” of Surf Ninjas, Knocks Dennis Miller. Nuff said.

Rob, remember when you got a beat down in "Knock Off"? With the invention of this thing called the internet, that's what happens to liberals when they take cheap pot shots using stale canards.

If one Google’s “going after the low hanging fruit” I hope they come across Rob Schneider’s name, because that’s what making fun of him is.  But I’m about to do it, because he’s given me no choice:

Q: So are you political? Like a liberal version of Dennis Miller?

A: I don’t think Dennis Miller is as smart as people think. He’s a fascist. He seems to be manipulated by money. All conservatism is grasping what was radical 90 years ago. There are no ideas. They’re a bunch of nuts like (Fox News Channel’s) Mike Huckabee, who believes the planet is only 500 years old. He’s an idiot. Not that Democrats have any good ideas, either. (President Barack) Obama is my favorite community organizer. He couldn’t run a Kinko’s, so I’m not sure why he’s running the biggest economy on the planet. I think we need to enlist presidents against their own will. Find the most qualified people who don’t want to be president.

First off, I’m going to cut Rob some slack. In the article he states that he’s returning to the circuit after 17 years and wants to have one killer set. Somehow, I doubt he would ever out himself as a fiscal conservative who is socially liberal if that were true. With that said—he’s still an idiot. Here’s why:

• Everyone knows Dennis Miller is a smart, well read guy.  If fact, sometimes he’s too smart for his own good, engaging in esoteric jokes few people get in front an audience he knows doesn’t get it.  If I thought he was doing it to prompt them to look up Romantic Era British poets it would be one thing, but I get the feeling he’s more pretentious than professorial.
• The liberal canard that if you disagree with them you’re a “fascist” isn’t going to fly any more. The liberal anti-war movement came to town with body odor and really bad signs…and failed. The Tea Party has come to town armed with Hayek and Batstiat. Rob apparently isn’t impressed with “old” ideas because they’re not new (never mind that basic economics works). The Tea Party will be a force to be reckoned with if they can transition from populist movement to a viable political party (whether that means purging the GOP of it’s weak-kneed elitist establishment clowns and getting it back to its roots, or breaking off to form a third party is yet to be determined).
• The idea that Dennis Miller has a little radio show “for money” is laughable.  There’s much more money to be made as a shill for liberalism in the entertainment industry than as a conservative radio host.

Question for Rob: It’s been thrown about that Adam Sandler has a few conservative streaks running through his bones. Does that make him a “fascist,” or does he get a pass because he generally keeps his mouth shut? I suppose another theory is that you don’t call him out because he’s been the primary source of your employment for the past decade…

Regardless, Rob accurately states that Barack Obama couldn’t manage a Kinkos.  He then goes on to wonder why Dennis Miller might be livid that the President is trying to fundamentally change the nature of America with Big Government On Steroids and public policy experiments that have historically been dismal failures. Is it possible Dennis Miller doesn’t want the United States to emulate Greece’s recent meltdown? Not in Schneider’s world. Is it possible that Dennis Miller looks at Europe and sees a cultural zombie sadly chewing on itself in the corner? Not in Schneider’s world. And that’s why Rob is a clown.

Dear Rob,

When is another installment of Surf Ninjas coming out? I’d ask when you’ll be playing another Sylvester Stallone sidekick, but after The Expendables we all know what the answer to that is.

Taking a shot at Dennis Miller was a low blow, Rob. It makes me think that as a comedian you’ll be just another Knock Off; fitting, since your judgement is actually worse than Jean Claude Van Damme’s. He turned down a chance to take part in The Expendables, but at least he didn’t pass up JCVD.