The solo success of musician Jack White has Democrats crying foul. In order to even the playing field and stop him from exacerbating income inequality, liberals in the U.S. Senate are crafting the ‘Blunderbus Act.’
Jack White blasted onto the music scene in 2003 with The White Stripes’ instant classic, Elephant. It’s now 2012, and it looks like the donkey is about to introduce him to the political scene. After the success of Jack White’s first solo album, Blunderbuss, Senate Democrats are not happy. Blunderlust sold an amazing 138,000 copies its first week in release, propelling White to the top of the charts for the first time in his career. It may be his last.
Senator Harry Reid, D-NV., put out a press release on Sunday, just hours after White’s crackling Saturday Night Live performance:
Jack White’s album sales, as well as his jaw-dropping performance of ‘Sixteen Saltines’ while on Saturday night live may be celebrated in some corners, but their cheers are misguided. While conservatives see his immense talent, highlighted even more with the result of his solo debut Blunderbuss, as some sort of sonic victory for United States and the world, the Democrat Party does not. As long as men like Jack White exist, there will always be inequalities. They must be stopped.
We do not know why Jack White rocks so much harder than the rest of us, but we know that we do not like it. He is without a doubt in the top 1 percent of guitar players in the world, but that does not mean we can or should allow him to become one of the ’1 percent.’ Senate Democrats are working to pass the ‘Blunderbuss Act’ within days to level the playing field for all Americans. More details are available at BlunderbussAct.gov.
Details of the act are still sketchy, with some Washington insiders claiming that a panel will be formed to look at musicians on a case-by-case basis. Those deemed to possess the kind of talent that could lead to a larger “rock and income gap” will be forced to play with sub par instruments and sound equipment. House Democrats are proposing their own version of the bill, which will include a package of taxes targeting quick-fingered musicians for success they deem “unreasonable.” A surtax would be imposed for solo albums.
Republicans now find themselves in an interesting position. For years they have been held in contempt by an industry that leans heavily left. They’re hoping their opposition to the ‘Blunderbuss Act’ will change perceptions.
“Rock has always sort of stood up for defiance,” said Congressman Paul Ryan, R-Wis. “Yet, somewhere along the line it stopped standing up to authority. It bowed down to the tens of thousands of federal regulations that not only dictate how a musician lives, but how a musician rocks. Remember when the Obama administration had the feds raid Gibson guitars not so long ago? I do. Republicans in both chambers plan to stand firm in opposition to the ‘Blunderbuss Act.’ God bless Jack White, and may Blunderbuss be the first of many successes to come.
Jack White said he will address the issue with fans at the appropriate time, but did not disclose when that might happen.
This sparked my imagination. I thought about the other musical performance he did on that show with Ruby Amanfu, “Love Interruption.” You had lots of directions to go with this. Anyway, I could have fun with this concept as well. Really well done satire.
Thanks for the read and the compliment. I appreciate it. He really is a gifted musician.
How come I cant find any info about this besides this page? i’ve serched the web up and down. I also checked all herry reids press statements back to Nov. I like Whites work and if this is true I want to spread the word. Just want to make sure im not spreading false words.
Ryan, buddy, it’s satire. It’s tagged as Satire. Although, in all honesty, it’s believable because it really is something these clowns in Congress would do.
Alright,makes sense now. The tag doesnt show up on my phone but I
should’ve read the first comments before. Sounded crazy even coming from congress. I didnt think it was all true, but throwing some facts in got me
Searching.
No problem. Liberals have shown they’ll always find creative ways to penalize success, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think they would come up with such a crazy idea! Anyway, thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.