Democrats target Jack White with ‘Blunderbuss Act’ 14

The solo success of musician Jack White has Democrats crying foul. In order to even the playing field and stop him from exacerbating income inequality, liberals in the U.S. Senate are crafting the ‘Blunderbus Act.’

Jack White blasted onto the music scene in 2003 with The White Stripes’ instant classic, Elephant. It’s now 2012, and it looks like the donkey is about to introduce him to the political scene. After the success of Jack White’s first solo album, Blunderbuss, Senate Democrats are not happy. Blunderlust sold an amazing 138,000 copies its first week in release, propelling White to the top of the charts for the first time in his career. It may be his last.

Senator Harry Reid, D-NV., put out a press release on Sunday, just hours after White’s crackling Saturday Night Live performance:

Jack White’s album sales, as well as his jaw-dropping performance of ‘Sixteen Saltines’ while on Saturday night live may be celebrated in some corners, but their cheers are misguided. While conservatives see his immense talent, highlighted even more with the result of his solo debut Blunderbuss, as some sort of sonic victory for United States and the world, the Democrat Party does not. As long as men like Jack White exist, there will always be inequalities. They must be stopped.

We do not know why Jack White rocks so much harder than the rest of us, but we know that we do not like it. He is without a doubt in the top 1 percent of guitar players in the world, but that does not mean we can or should allow him to become one of the ‘1 percent.’ Senate Democrats are working to pass the ‘Blunderbuss Act’ within days to level the playing field for all Americans. More details are available at BlunderbussAct.gov.

Details of the act are still sketchy, with some Washington insiders claiming that a panel will be formed to look at musicians on a case-by-case basis. Those deemed to possess the kind of talent that could lead to a larger “rock and income gap” will be forced to play with sub par instruments and sound equipment. House Democrats are proposing their own version of the bill, which will include a package of taxes targeting quick-fingered musicians for success they deem “unreasonable.” A surtax would be imposed for solo albums.

Republicans now find themselves in an interesting position. For years they have been held in contempt by an industry that leans heavily left. They’re hoping their opposition to the ‘Blunderbuss Act’ will change perceptions.

“Rock has always sort of stood up for defiance,” said Congressman Paul Ryan, R-Wis. “Yet, somewhere along the line it stopped standing up to authority. It bowed down to the tens of thousands of federal regulations that not only dictate how a musician lives, but how a musician rocks. Remember when the Obama administration had the feds raid Gibson guitars not so long ago? I do. Republicans in both chambers plan to stand firm in opposition to the ‘Blunderbuss Act.’ God bless Jack White, and may Blunderbuss be the first of many successes to come.

Jack White said he will address the issue with fans at the appropriate time, but did not disclose when that might happen.

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14 comments

  1. This sparked my imagination. I thought about the other musical performance he did on that show with Ruby Amanfu, “Love Interruption.” You had lots of directions to go with this. Anyway, I could have fun with this concept as well. Really well done satire.

  2. How come I cant find any info about this besides this page? i’ve serched the web up and down. I also checked all herry reids press statements back to Nov. I like Whites work and if this is true I want to spread the word. Just want to make sure im not spreading false words.

      • Alright,makes sense now. The tag doesnt show up on my phone but I
        should’ve read the first comments before. Sounded crazy even coming from congress. I didnt think it was all true, but throwing some facts in got me
        Searching.

      • No problem. Liberals have shown they’ll always find creative ways to penalize success, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think they would come up with such a crazy idea! Anyway, thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.

  3. penalize success? Jack was pissed flippers were selling his records for more money. You think big success in America knows that bound. Not even our schools do. Yet he is on top selling stuff for like $6 continually trying to make things harder for himself in almost every way. Oh ya and he hires women too….I dont think America reflects any of that. He is a man who prides himself in opposites and continual creativity. Something the big three still needs to learn something about.

    • Zach, I’d respond, but for the most part you just sort of rambled. I’m not even sure if you get who exactly was the target of this piece of satire. Thanks for the comment, but I’m afraid most people who come across it will just sort of scratch their head and move on.

  4. Well jack white has said he could raise the prices for his records but didn’t, even though people were turning a profit that he could of made. He was selling them for around $6 to $20 a piece. People were flipping them for $300+. Meaning he capitalizes on people who hate people who over charge others and is REALLY successful at it. My point about women is that most work places still don’t hire enough women. He again USED this to capitalize on those who really hate people who are not “liberal” with woman, by having an all female band. This is important because the statue of liberty is a women and justice is a woman, yet we tend not to hire them compared to men when I comes to general positions or pay. I know this from taking women study classes. The song “big three killed my baby” was actually about the BIG companies that originally made cars affordable to even their own workers “new”. Over time this became not so and they failed completely and jack white working for them, basically said they were going to fall 10 years prior to it actually happening. So when you say ” Liberals have shown they’ll always find creative ways to penalize success, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think they would come up with such a crazy idea!” You really are talking the complete and other opposite of how jack white has made his success. Oh ya and thank you for attacking “me” and not my statements in a really general way. :) Was that more specific for you?

    • Zach, I wasn’t “attacking” you. I was merely stating a fact. Can you see the difference between your first reply (which was rambling and not very coherent) and you second, which actually has substance to it? The difference is striking.

      1. Basic Economics says your wrong. Jack White basically gets it, and hopefully you do as well when you read this Forbes piece in its entirety.

      [L]et’s forgive White the error saying that the resellers, or flippers, “dictate the price”. Sure they may set a price, but it is the supply, set by Third Man and Jack White, and the demand of the customers that actually dictates the price. Nevertheless, Jack White is clearly a man who thinks like an economist. By giving the profit to the creators instead of the resellers, this gives White, Third Man, and their artists more incentive to create more albums. Fans should be happy about this, but instead they’re indignant. They should take White’s advice:

      don’t get mad at third man for giving you exactly what you’ve asked for. and seriously stop all of the whining, because what you communicate to us is that all of the trouble we go to isn’t worth it because nothing we do will make you happy.

      2. I would suggest not taking Women’s Studies classes. Your comments are so incredibly generalized that it’s painful. Growing up I had maybe six male teachers from elementary school through high school. Why is that? Answer: Who cares. Maybe women like going into fields where they teach people. Have you ever had a male nurse? I haven’t. Why? Answer: Who cares. Maybe women, for whatever reason, like professions where they care for others. Are women underrepresented in masonry and welding jobs? Probably. But do you think that has something to do with the physical demands placed upon the body instead of some weird conspiracy to keep women from laying bricks or fusing steel? I do. Just because disparities exist, it doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong. If roughly 50% of the world is women that doesn’t mean all fields of work should have roughly 50% women.

      3. The “Big Three” couldn’t sell cars at competitive prices because the cost of making a car exploded in the U.S. Why? Because unions extracted concessions from the companies so ridiculous that a car made in the U.S. was much more expensive than one made in, say, Japan. It’s hard to stay competitive when some guy who hasn’t worked the factory floor for 15 years is getting 75% of what he made when he was working. Multiply that retired guy by thousands (and that’s not including hansom benefits for those currently employed) and you have … Detroit. The businesses packed up and left because at some point in time it’s not worth it to build cars anymore. At least, not in the United States or in states like Michigan. Why do you think so many companies are moving down south to states like Georgia? It’s because the unions don’t have the choke hold on businesses down there like they do in Detroit. Detroit was run by liberals for decades — and look at it. That is what happens when liberals have a monopoly on power. See California for another prime example…

      Whether you realize it or not, my comment forced you to think more critically about what you were saying and articulate it in a way that would perhaps convince someone to consider your point of view. Your first statement did not meet that standard.

  5. 1. Jack could of raised the price to whatever he wanted but he decided to keep it low because he wanted to make money in the long run instead people thinking he is greedy. Plus, he believes in making money off of being creative and cutting out the middle man when making vinyl records, so that people may not think he is greedy. Because if he did go through a middle man, they would of cost probably twice, maybe three times the amount. Oh ya and flipping really had nothing to do with my point. It was brought up because he could of charged what they did but didn’t. Yet, because he is not greedy, people think he is a supply and demand guy, but my point is still the same, that he could of charged more but didn’t. This is because he is not a exec who practices super capitalism in a free market. I can not state that anymore then I have. The second point will be put to rest of generalizations of women by watching this videohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5lMxWWK218 . Please watch the whole thing because it runs true today and if you don’t believe that then I guess, we might as well be talking philosophy. This is because I have seen countless times when male bosses treated women badly and friends who are women did not get jobs because they are women. To say it does not happen is really taking the high view looking down. :( The reason for the video was to hopefully inspire you to realize that women are treated worse in most situations, work related or not. As for your third point, I do seem to remember Obama talking about these top car execs taking private jets and eating high quality food that must of come from some where just before he was talking to them. Which just instills my first point more. All while their businesses were gonna fold up. That and I worked at walmart for years and because they had no union, I for months could not take a break, had to eat while I worked, called racial slurs from bosses, had to work with heavy amount of chemicals that made people sick, did not receive raises based on merit, seen the company go through lawsuits because they did not hire female management, and of course you do realize most of our working rights are originally from unions right? Even if we are not apart of them. I would like to also tell you that many of the people there had lived off the government because they were not paid enough to support their families even though they worked full time. Also, walmart is the number one employer in America next to the military. So no I don’t believe unions are all wrong because if I was in one, I would not of had to deal with such broken laws. This I could not prove, because I would of felt even more threaten to lose my job, if anything was said. When jack white was talking about the big three, he was also talking about how the companies were making cars cheap. He even talked to a guy after a show who explained to him that they were working on a car almost completely made of glue and would be set to fall apart within 10 years. No, your comment did not make me think critically at all. Programming makes me think critically, this made me rethink of memories of how I was abused. As far as standards, you should make a standard chart of rules with a revision number. This is because they seem a bit dynamic rather then static. Ill leave this with a quote from never ending story. “Because people who have no hopes are easy to control; and whoever has the control… has the power!”

    • 1. Zach, again, you should really take a course in basic economics. Listen to yourself: you seem to think that by charging more money it always translates into more profits. Wrong. The reason why Ford motor company became profitable is because it originally lowered the price of a quality car. The reason why Microsoft exploded onto the scene was because it perfected selling quality home computers at a cheaper price. Using your logic, grocery stores should sell a loaf of bread at $100 a pop. Bringing goods and services that people want at a lower price (like Walmart) often actually increases profits.

      2. I never said workplace discrimination doesn’t exist. You seemed to imply that any time there is a gap between women and men in the workplace that it was some sort of sign of backwardness or a conspiracy to keep people down. I don’t know where you live, but apparently all women are treated like dirt and the companies you work for treat you like slave labor. Is that correct? Is the problem with the company, or is the problem with you for allowing yourself to be treated like that?

      3. I never said we should do away with unions or that the don’t serve a purpose. Again, instead of responding to the points I made, you decided to put words in my mouth.

      4. Regardless of whether a company has a union, companies have federal and state laws that they must follow. If you were “abused” at Walmart, guess what? You could QUIT. That’s what people do when they don’t like their job. And if enough people are treated badly, people don’t go to that store. I worked some pretty crappy jobs in my life, but that’s because you don’t get to just start off at the top. Most people don’t. And sometimes we have crappy bosses, but over time people who work hard, have a good attitude, and show initiative carve out a pretty nice life for themselves.

      Side note: You might also want to refrain from typing one gigantic block of text. I’m serious. No one reads it and they think that you’re insane. You don’t seem like you’re insane, so I’ll just assume no one has ever told you that. Separate your paragraphs and people will take you much more seriously (including your bosses at Walmart).

      Also, ditch the Never Ending Story quote. YOU are ALWAYS in charge of your life. YOU determine its outcome. I hope you remember that, because it’s true. If you don’t like the people in your life, then you have the power to walk away and begin somewhere else. You choose whether to surround yourself with negative people or positive people. Companies don’t determine the outcome of your life — YOU do.

  6. well first off, I did not say I wanted him to raise the prices? I do not know how you interpreted my sentence? But the idea that you write a blog and talk down about people and say it is even partially women’s fault is really terrible. Then you say generally and in specifically in my case, that worker abuse is in some way the workers fault? It is my fault for it happening? It happens every day with more businesses then you think. I have had about 8 different jobs in my life and saw it a lot. But I will not argue with a man who will not think in hypotheticals and tears down a person instead of his ideas. Keep protecting big companies and putting your nose up to issues with other people in need. I think you’ll fit right in and no I wont respond again for risk of more abuse.

    • Zach, that’s your problem right there: You think I’m “abusing” you. If you think I’m abusing you, then perhaps you’re just incredibly sensitive. You first response was incoherent. You fixed it and I told you the difference was obvious. Kudos. Then, I told you that when people write in large blocks of text it comes across as the ramblings of a mad man. It does. If you see sound advice as “abuse,” then you really do have some growing up to do.

      Years ago I went through basic training as an infantryman. I’m inclined to think you would have defined the experience as torture.

      Keep seeing yourself as a victim. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you realize that you have control over your life and you flip that switch, you’ll see how you’ve trapped yourself in a psychological prison of your own making.

      Google “law of attraction.” Read up on it and then ask yourself the kind of individuals you’ve attracted into your life. Ask yourself why you commented here. Perhaps I’m the first one in your life who actually has given you an honest assessment of what you’re doing to yourself.

      Again, you can either take my words as “abuse” or look through them for learning opportunities. The choice is yours.

      PS: Your IP address seems to indicate you’re from Illinois, perhaps even close to my home town. Having worked in Walgreen and Target in the same area as a kid, I’d have to say that Chicago’s working conditions are a tad better than, say, Indonesia. Anyway, go get yourself some Portillo’s and think about it.

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