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Months ago ‘I Look Down on Young Women with Kids and I’m Not Sorry’ was published. It was written by Chrissy Stockton under the pen name “Amy Glass.” My wife read some of it out loud to me last weekend and asked what I thought. I told her that it required a blog post, even if the original piece was released in January. Besides, sometimes feminist drones get really upset and say things about me like: “I want to boil his nuts in Aunt Trudy’s cast-iron chicken pot and set a match to his wiener until it explodes like a cigar,” which also provides a window into their soul.
Let’s start from the beginning:
Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.
Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average? …
You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.
Indeed, any two fools can have kids. That is easy. But it is difficult to be a father and a mother. It is hard to shape and mold young hearts and minds and spirits so that little human beings grow up to become productive members of civil society. One could make the argument that being an “exceptional” mother and father is society’s most important task. Ms. Stockton confidently crosses “exceptional” off the list for young married women, even though she’s never even been in love. Sad.
Ms. Stockton writes in ‘Successful Women Do Not Fall in Love’:
Let’s say you want to have a husband and kids and a job that pays enough for you to be comfortable. That’s an achievable dream for most of my peers, the upkeep of a relationship with an easy to moderate job can work for a woman. You can balance. However, there’s people like me who don’t like middle ground, it’s not for everyone. I don’t want to be a latte, I want to be an espresso. I want all of something, or I don’t want it at all.
Ms. Stockton obviously considers herself a “successful” woman, or at least on her way to being a success, so we must deduce from her own statement that she has never fallen in love. How is it that a woman who has never been in a loving relationship — especially a loving marriage — is so sure about what is possible for those couples? If a mother is doing what truly makes her happy, why is her life any less “successful” or “exceptional” than Ms. Stockton’s? Answer: It isn’t. Ms. Stockton just fashions herself an intellectual espresso-in-progress when in reality she’s more like drip-brew coffee.
Let me explain. First, Ms. Stockton writes of her previous pen name:
In the case of Amy Glass, a pen name is justifiable. Amy Glass did not (and cannot) destroy anyone’s life by publishing “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry.” It can make people feel bad, yes. It can make people rage, yes. But it can also lead to a massive, weeks-long discussion about the merits of the argument, rather than the merits of the person who published it. This distinction—exactly how the pen name is used—is crucial.
Then she says of her core beliefs:
I think of all my opinions as in transit. None of them are destinations: stagnant, immobile things that don’t change. I’m human—I have all sorts of ideas, and not all fall in line with one grand, value-consistent philosophy. Like Whitman, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Ms. Stockton pats herself on the back for not destroying someone’s life, and then brushes off the fact that she says mean and hurtful things that she might not even believe a month, a week, a day or even a few hours after hitting the publish button. Why? Because she “contains multitudes.” I agree: her mind houses the belief that she’s smarter than the young married woman next to her while also possessing deep wells of vapid pseudo-intellectual psychobabble.
If the nonsensical ramblings of this self-absorbed single woman sounds like a philosophy major to you, then give yourself a hand.
Ms. Stockton, OMG-Philosopher extraordinaire, is the author of PhiLOLZophy:
A popular question in philosophy is “How do I know I exist?” That seems really boring though. How about, “How can I use logic to get over my ex?” If you really love wisdom, you love it in all situations—you don’t need to be spoonfed unsolved problems in philosophy, because you’re already analyzing the US Weekly you’re reading or your kinda significant other. Sarah Heuer and Chrissy Stockton are writers living in Minneapolis who are determined to do something more interesting with their philosophy degrees than talk about dead white guys.
The picture is becoming so much clearer now: A female philosophy major who has never been in love — who has convinced herself that she can’t be successful and in love — finds out after graduation that a.) being able to quote Plato’s The Republic is nice but it isn’t particularly a marketable skill, and b.) she may not have the chops to be a “philosopher king.” She soothes her inner frustrations by lashing out at women who are in truly loving relationships before moving on to denigrating “old white men” — intellectual giants — who would “L-O-L” at “PhiLOLZophy.”
I hope that one day Ms. Stockton does fall in love. I hope that she enters into a healthy marriage. When that happens she’ll see ‘I Look Down on Young Women with Kids and I’m Not Sorry’ for what it really is — shallow self-centered tripe. There’s something deliciously ironic about a philosopher who doesn’t see that she’s The Allegory of Cave vivified. I’m confident that one day an older and wiser version of Ms. Stockton will see the light.
Douglas Ernst Blog 
Reblogged this on Why I Am Not A Feminist and commented:
Thank you, Douglas Ernst, for supporting housewives.
Thanks for reading, reblogging and sharing, Judithann. I really appreciate it.
The interesting thing is that I also support Ms. Stockton’s decision to not get married — if she believes that is something she needs to avoid in order to be happy. The difference between us is that I realize that what fulfills one person does not fulfill another. I personally think the world needs a lot more “exceptional” parents, but if a young woman like Chrissy decides that the barista of life has determined she’ll be a single “espresso” during her run in the coffee shop, then more power to her.
I totally agree: no one should ever be forced or pressured into marriage; there is no one correct life plan that will work for everyone. We run into many problems when some people start making statements such as “Everyone should get married young”, or “No one should ever get married before age 30”; or “Everyone should get married”, or “No one should get married”. Different people will do different things with their lives; it is not good to try to force everyone into the same mold.
It’s hard to know where to start. Frankly, I just want to lash out (not physically) at her appalling naivete. She suggests her views are as ‘in transit’. Well they ain’t gonna go nowhere with a mind shut as closed as hers. Now that my twin sons are nearly 23 I fully realise that raising children well is the hardest task imaginable. My wife stayed at home – because she wanted to and was utterly proud of the fact . We now have two great human beings who can impart their impact on the world, and I cannot see anything else in my life as equalling that achievement (and I think I’ve had some good successes). I guess one just has to hope that this young woman comes to her senses eventually and stops demeaning those who choose different pathways to her own prejudices. Wouldn’t it be interesting if she got pregnant accidentally? Hmm, that’d give her something t think about.
Thanks for reading and commenting, David. I appreciate it. Well said!
No, thanks to you for publishing it and making us aware. Sometimes the mountains to climb just seem overwhelmingly high. And, as a male feminist (well, as much as I can be one), to witness women being so demeaning to each other just makes ya wonder. Have a ripper day!
In my first proper job there were 2 teams with female managers. One of these women was married, the other was not. Both seemed career driven. This was a financial services company.
The unmarried one got married but 10 years after the marriage she and her husband separated because she was career driven and did not want children.
The married one is now a stay at home mother with 3 kids. She does the bookkeeping for her husbands business.
Any guesses which one seems happier and more fulfilled when I occasionally see them while out and about?
just realised that this makes me sound like an arse. A woman’s happiness is not dependent on marriage and children.
Haha. Well, I think what you were trying to say was that it’s not quite as black and white as Ms. Stockton would have the rest of us believe. There are plenty of unmarried old “successful” women who are absolutely miserable, and there are plenty of happily married women (with children) who are “successful.”
Spot on Doug.
“If the nonsensical ramblings of this self-absorbed single woman sounds like a philosophy major to you, then give yourself a hand.”
Ouch. I majored in philosophy and like to think that I don’t ramble nonsensically. It’s obvious that Stockton doesn’t think much of traditional philosophy, so she’s not a representative example. Her logic is not exactly sterling, either. Childbirth may be common, but it doesn’t follow that it’s “super easy.” Parents are tasked with the cultivation of a human being, one of the most demanding activities in which our species engages. Indeed, one of Mary Wollstonecraft’s arguments for the better treatment of women is that if women are to be tasked with the raising of children, they should be taken seriously by men–raising children is serious business.
BTW, contra Stockton, “how do I know I exist?” is not a popular question in philosophy. It occurs primarily in the context of Descartes’ Meditations, and even Descartes rather quickly answers the question and moves on.
Bill, thanks for reading and commenting. Just a quick clarification: I also note that certain philosophers have been “intellectual giants” compared to Mrs. Stockton. I don’t know where you fall along the spectrum, but I’ll just assume that you’re a pretty nice guy with a firm grasp on his area of expertise unless evidence suggests otherwise. 😉
With that said, I hope we can both agree that there are certain types of people who are philosophy majors for all the wrong reasons. In my line of work I’d say there are plenty of people who can instantly we referred to as “Washington, D.C.-types” for all the wrong reasons…
How can someone that has never been in love say how hard it is to be married and have children? I guess it would be easy if you did not do anything to raise them but if you are taking care of them and teaching them the skills they will need to survive in this world that is by far no easy task.
She can’t, which is why one can only buy into what she’s saying if being a mother begins and ends with having the child. Once he or she is delivered I suppose you can just sit back and relax, right? 😉
One point I would like to mention is that success is measured differently on a person by person basis. What one considers success others may consider a failure. I respect her view but I do not agree with it. My wife is educated and is successful in her job, I can tell you for a fact that she would rather be home with our child. Would she feel less successful, no. My wife feels that raising our child right is her primary job and that can be considered a measure of success. Now lets not spin this, I also feel that it is my primary job as a father to raise our child right as well. I suggest people take a look at the statistics for crime and prison and you will see a correlation with poor home lives.
Arthur C. Brooks has spent a good amount of time studying happiness, and I think he would agree with you, Truthwillwin1. I haven’t had a chance to read his book ‘Gross National Happiness,’ but my guess is that it would be in line with your beliefs.
What this statement seems to boil down to is, “I don’t know what the hell I want or what the truth is.” It is true that our opinions do change, but only because we misjudged what the truth of something is. But opinions are attempts at Truth right? And Truth is very much like a destination. If Truth was changing all of the time, every discussion, every investigation, everything, would be a complete waste of time. So, perhaps our opinions are in transit because we are all traveling to get to some stationary place…Truthville. Having pride in the fact that your opinions change all of the time is weird no? It’s like being prideful that you keep screwing up on a math problem. I think perhaps she is really confused right now.
To bring a human being(s) into the world, love them, teach them, sacrifice your career, your personal space, your personal time and your body for them is the ultimate success story. To all you mothers out there…God bless you.
Yes, I think you’re right on point. All of us change over time, but there is the “core” Edward who basically will not change. You have certain fundamental beliefs that will be with you for your entire life. Those aren’t going anywhere. In short, it would take a massive life-changing experience to alter them, and even then they might not budge. (It would be really sad if your ‘core’ beliefs were so flimsy that life’s storms could topple them.)
To say, “oh, well I have multitudes” within me is really just a way for someone to do whatever the heck they want when they want and not feel bad about it. It’s a way to avoid responsibility for how you act, how you treat your fellow man, etc. People are always looking for a way to shake their conscious, and to say “I have all sorts of ideas” — as if they’re all equal just because they’re things that are swirling about in your head — is ridiculous.
I think you give Ms. Stockton too much credit. I think one day she’ll wake up – after she is too old to have children, and realize she is all alone. Do you know who’s fault that will be? Not hers, nope. It will be the fault of the same people she looks down on now.
That definitely is a possibility, combs2jc. I won’t discount that. Although, I always try and look for the silver lining.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it!
Reblogged this on News You May Have Missed and commented:
Feminist ‘looks down’ on married women; man exposes her pseudo-intellectual gobbledygook
I see this in simple terms actually: Ms. Stockton appears to be the sort of woman that the men won’t be chasing. Better to take the sting out of rejection / disinterest before it hits home.
Speaking of things that sting…that was a shot in her ribs, The Grey Enigma. Given some of the mean things she said in her piece, she can’t be surprised at the observation.
Actually, believe it or not I was not saying it to be mean, I mean it as an observation. Really! Sorry to have sounded thuggish.
No, you didn’t sound thuggish to me. Sometimes the truth can hurt. Your observation is well within the range of possibility.
Well said, thank you.
“I don’t want to be a latte, I want to be an espresso. I want all of something, or I don’t want it at all.”
I’m telling you, everything in life is all about the coffee. This statement baffles me, because espresso is just a shot of black coffee. A latte is steamed milk with a shot of espresso, full of richness and flavor, in other words, “all of something.” If you’re going to be a philosophy major and a self appointed expert on women’s lives, the least you can do is try to pass coffee 101 so you can write a proper metaphor.
Thank you, insanitybyetes22! 🙂 I don’t drink coffee (although my wife loves it). However, I was kind of wondering about that. I wanted to explore that line of thought a bit but figured I would just get myself off track. Thanks for bringing it up in the comments section.
Reblogged this on Dead Citizen's Rights Society.
“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity and pride and arrogance.”
-Samuel Butler, dead white guy
“You can have a certain arrogance, and I think that’s fine. But what you should never lose is respect for others.” -Steffi Graf